How to have Productive Conflict

When it comes to conflict, the key to making it productive lies within us. It’s not about waiting for the other person to change or hoping the situation will resolve itself. If you want better control during conflicts and more positive outcomes, you have to take ownership of your role in the process. At Learning Unlimited, we use a model based on Everything DiSC Productive Conflict that has transformed how our clients and coaches handle difficult situations.

Productive conflict isn’t about avoiding disagreements but changing how we respond to them. When a conflict occurs—whether it’s a heated disagreement or a subtle tension—our minds instantly generate automatic thoughts. These thoughts often go unnoticed but can have a big impact on how we handle the situation. You might catch yourself thinking, This guy’s a jerk, He’s not listening to me, or She’s trying to make me look bad. These thoughts are normal, but they can lead us down a destructive path if left unchecked.

The first step toward productive conflict is awareness. You need to step back and recognize those automatic thoughts. It’s not always easy, but with practice, you can train yourself to notice when your mind is heading in the wrong direction. Once you identify the thought, ask yourself a few critical questions:

• Could this be true?
• Is there another way of looking at this?
• Am I making assumptions that might not be accurate?

Anything that causes you to pause and reflect can help you shift your mindset. The goal is to reframe the situation and consciously choose a productive response. Without this step, conflicts often lead to defensiveness, stonewalling, gossiping, or other unproductive behaviors.

The beauty of this model is its simplicity. It’s straightforward and accessible, but it does require practice. Just like any other skill, the more you practice, the better you become. When you master this approach, you not only handle conflicts better but also model healthy conflict management for those around you—whether in your organization, your family, or your community.

At Learning Unlimited, we guide leaders and teams through this model with practical coaching and assessments. If you’d like to explore how this approach can improve conflict management within your organization, let’s connect. We can walk you through the model, provide tools and assessments, and help you build a culture where conflict is not feared but embraced as a path to growth and stronger relationships.

Keep learning, keep growing, and remember—productive conflict is always within your reach.