The Key to Better Conversations

When it comes to giving feedback, one of the simplest yet most powerful strategies is to ask for permission before sharing your thoughts. This small step can transform the feedback experience, creating a more receptive environment and reducing defensiveness.

Why Asking for Permission Matters

1. Reduces Defensiveness: When someone feels feedback is being forced upon them, their natural response may be to become defensive. By asking for permission, you shift the dynamic, giving them a sense of control over the conversation.

2. Builds Respect and Trust: Seeking permission shows respect for the other person’s time and emotional readiness. It demonstrates that you value their autonomy and want to ensure they are in the right mindset to engage in the discussion.

3. Creates a Safe Space: When individuals agree to receive feedback, they are more likely to approach the conversation with an open mind. This openness increases the likelihood that the feedback will be understood and acted upon.

How to Ask for Permission to Give Feedback

A simple, thoughtful approach can make all the difference. Here’s an example:

“Hey Steve, I’ve noticed a few things at work that I believe could be helpful for you. Is now a good time to share some feedback?”

This method:

• Sets the Tone: By framing the feedback as potentially helpful, you set a positive intention.
• Gives an Option: If Steve isn’t ready, he can suggest a better time, ensuring the conversation happens when he can fully engage.
• Prepares the Mindset: A gentle introduction helps Steve transition into a feedback-ready state, reducing the shock or surprise that unsolicited feedback might bring.

The Impact of Asking for Permission

When you ask for permission before giving feedback:

• It Feels Less Like Criticism: Instead of feeling as if feedback is being imposed, the recipient feels more in control of the situation.
• Avoids the Victim Mentality: The recipient is less likely to feel like feedback is being “done to them,” which minimizes feelings of victimization and resistance.
• Increases Engagement: People who give permission are more likely to listen, reflect, and act on the feedback provided.

Practical Tips for Leaders and Teams

1. Always Ask Before Giving Feedback: Even if the feedback is minor, asking permission shows thoughtfulness and respect.
2. Be Specific About the Feedback: When permission is granted, focus on specific observations and provide actionable suggestions.
3. Be Prepared for “Not Now”: If the person is not ready to receive feedback, respect their response. Offer to revisit the conversation at a better time.

Try It and See the Difference

If you haven’t tried this approach before, give it a shot. You might be surprised at how much more effective your feedback conversations become. And if you already practice this method, share your experiences and insights. There’s always more to learn about creating healthier, more productive feedback cultures.

And as always, keep learning, growing, and asking for permission when giving feedback!