What’s the best trick for giving feedback that sticks?

Giving feedback is one of the most critical tools you have as a leader—and one of the most misused. Whether you’re supporting a direct report, coaching a colleague, or guiding a team, the effectiveness of your feedback hinges on one simple but powerful move: ask for permission first.

Why Permission Is the Game-Changer

Imagine this: you walk up to a teammate and say, “Hey, I’ve got some feedback for you.” Their defenses go up immediately. Now imagine a different approach—“Hey, I have some feedback I’d like to share. Would now be a good time?” That single question changes everything.

When you ask for permission, you’re not just being polite—you’re activating the receiver’s readiness to listen. You’re signaling respect and creating a moment of psychological safety. The person on the receiving end flips a mental switch. They’re no longer preparing to brace themselves; they’re preparing to engage.

This simple act of asking—“Can I share some feedback with you?”—gives you access to a more open mind, a more reflective listener, and a greater chance that your feedback will actually land.

Feedback Without Permission Doesn’t Stick

Let’s be honest. Uninvited feedback often feels like criticism. It tends to trigger defensiveness, shutdown, or outright rejection. That’s because it catches people off guard, violating their sense of control.

When you lead with permission, however, you give the other person agency. That sense of control allows them to choose to listen. And when someone chooses to listen, they’re far more likely to reflect on what you’ve said, even if they don’t act on it right away.

Permission doesn’t guarantee instant agreement or enthusiastic reactions. But it does dramatically increase the chances that your words will sink in, be processed, and lead to meaningful change over time.

How to Ask for Permission (Without Making It Awkward)

Asking doesn’t have to feel formal or forced. In fact, the more natural it sounds, the better. Here are a few ways to lead into feedback conversations that foster connection and receptivity:

• “Would now be an okay time for some quick feedback?”

• “I’ve got a thought I think could be helpful—open to hearing it?”

• “Something came up I wanted to run by you. Are you in the headspace for that?”

Notice that these openers create a moment of pause. A breath. A shared checkpoint. That’s where receptivity begins.

Giving Feedback Is About Timing, Not Just Truth

You might have all the right insights. But if you don’t ask when someone is ready to hear them, your truth won’t matter. Leadership isn’t just about what you say—it’s about when and how you say it.

And while giving effective feedback involves more than just getting permission (think tone, clarity, empathy, and follow-through), this one step is the foundation. Without it, even the most insightful comments can fall flat.

Build Feedback-Friendly Culture, One Ask at a Time

Imagine what happens when this practice becomes the norm on your team. Feedback stops feeling like a surprise attack and starts becoming part of healthy dialogue. People begin to expect it, invite it, and even seek it.

That’s how you create a culture where feedback isn’t feared—it’s welcomed. And it all starts with asking.

Ready to Go Deeper?

This is just one of many tools you can use to give better feedback and grow stronger communication skills. If you or your team are looking to level up your leadership, coaching, or team dynamics, consider exploring personalized coaching or a behavioral assessment like Everything DiSC. These tools give you insight into not only how you lead but how you’re received—and that’s where true transformation begins.

Until next time, keep learning and growing.